Monday, March 20, 2017

The Good, The Bad and the Ugly

I know, everyone uses this cliché, but for me it describes the last three years (or 2 years and 3 months so far).

In 2015, my longtime supervisor and sometime friend moved to another department in my company and I was in charge of my destiny for pretty much the rest of the year. I developed working plans, tweaked normal tasks to peak efficiency and was humming along absolutely loving my job and my department. At the end of 2015, however, I was informed that the director wanted to add another person to our team who would also be our supervisor (my team consisted of myself and my co-worker, both in the digital side of marketing). We were assured that we would be in on the hiring process from day one. Of course I should have known. My company always talks a good talk to the employees, but when it comes down to it, everything is decided in the managers' favor. Due to everyone's schedule, the new guy was never introduced, much less interviewed by either my teammate or myself.

So in May of 2016, a new employee started who was to be my supervisor. Needless to say, we don't get along! My peak efficiency went out the window with his micromanaging my job. To say, 2016 was stressful and left me hating my job with a passion is a massive understatement.

I had had enough and told the director of my department as well as the director of HR. Another department in my company had been courting me for a new position and I was anxious to make the lateral move. But I discovered that my director didn't want to give me up just yet. She felt that there was no way that they would ever be able to replace me and she needed time to think about it.  EVEN AFTER I TOLD HER THAT I WANTED OUT!!!

Unfortunately, this has happened in previous positions and I have ended up walking out. My parting line is usually, "I'm too valuable to allow a transfer, huh? Now you and the company have lost my expertise entirely!"

But this time I couldn't. I am the sole bread winner and we are keeping our 125 year house by the skin of our teeth. I can't afford to walk out. The stress has been nearly over the top, bringing on panic attacks and health issues.

So there's the Good: 2015; the Bad 2016; and the Ugly???

Date: January 27th, 2017
Time: 7:20 am
Place: Intersection of Galena Road and Rock Creek Road

I T-boned a car going 55-60 mph who turned at the last minute in front of me. I was driving a 25 year old Honda Civic with one airbag (drivers) which I was unsure would inflate or if it did, that it would explode. I knew I was going to die in that split second moment when I saw him turn in front of me.

When I opened my eyes, I couldn't breathe. I was conscious but I couldn't breathe. Oh great, my next thought was that now I'm going to die, but I'm going to be awake through the whole agonizing process of suffocation!

Then I realized that the car was filled with residual gas from the deployed airbag (which miraculously worked and saved my life). I forced myself to hiccup as I gingerly opened my driver's window. The cold clear air helped me to pull oxygen into my lungs and the gases dissipated. I was alive, but in terrible pain.

I won't go into any further details of my injuries / recovery, but I have been out of work since then with the doctor's saying mid-May. I'm hoping for the end of April (because of our finances).

So, my department has had to learn to get along without me. Have they learned that I'm certainly dispensable and allow me to apply for other job? Or will I have to start my new life with a new career.

Facing death, I have decided that I am too old and have been in the workforce too long to stay in a position that is slowly killing me. One way or the other, I'm beginning a new life now and it is up to me whether I spend it happily or a slave to the regularity of my old life.

Stay tuned . . .

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